Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
