Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
