shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
