i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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