Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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