i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
