she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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