there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
