he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
