you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
