I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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