im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
