So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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