you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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