A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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