I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
