The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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