Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
