It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
