I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
