fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
