dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
