went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
