my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
