i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
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