Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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