do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
