Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
