Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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