so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
