tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
