Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
