I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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