Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
