Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
