oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
