But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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