i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
