i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
