Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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