I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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