I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
