if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
