I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
