I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
