Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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