whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
