apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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