You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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