do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
