Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
