well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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