got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
