if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
